


Pain blooms in my lungs

by RPFuck (Caliras)



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Coughing, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Out of Character, Sick Character, Sleep Deprivation, Starvation, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:40:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26946082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caliras/pseuds/RPFuck
Summary: This doesn't even have a little bit of a plot, just some good ol' hanahaki angst because I felt like it. So if you want some fuckin' uhhhhhhh flowers and pain you've come to the right place.
Relationships: Daniel Condren/Kevin O'Reilly
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some rules because this was written about real people or contains caricatures of them. Reading further than the rules means you accept them.
> 
>   1. Do not harass the people I’ve written about- while this should go without saying, do _**not**_ bring this up to them. If I find out that somebody is doing this, I will lock the fic so that only registered users can read it. If you are someone I’ve written about and are uncomfortable with RPF, tell me and I will remove my fics. I don't really mind. My twitter is [@_RPFuck_](https://twitter.com/_RPFuck_) if you'd like to contact me. If anyone I write about says they are uncomfortable with RPF, I will remove it once I’m aware.
>   2. If this fic is deleted and you have it downloaded or saved it through other means, don’t reupload it. Don’t.
>   3. If you are unused to the site, heed the tags. They’re there for a reason.
>   4. (Optional since I know how anxiety is sometimes) If you have anything that says that the people I am writing about are uncomfortable with RPF, I would really appreciate it if you sent it to me. Also, if it’s a ship fic and they have a partner or partners who are uncomfortable with it, feel free to send that over too!
> 

> 
> That’s it for the rules, so thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the fic!
> 
> * * *
> 
> You know, I thought I wouldn't be writing any shippy stuff bc I can only write angst, but then I remembered that Hanahaki exists which is one of my favorite troupes. So. Hope this isn't going to be too horrible for my first ship fic. Also, I updated my rules :D! I know it isn't much but it looks so much nicer now since it isn't just a huge block of text lol. And apologies in advance if Kevin seems a bit off, I didn't really know how to write someone delirious in pain while still being 'in character' lmao. Oh, and, unrelated, but I just remembered how good the Genghis Khan music video is and it might be the only thing I listen to for the next three days lmao. Anyways. Hope you have fun reading!

The smell of perfume and cooling blood soaked Kevin’s house. His eyes roved slowly along the ceiling, tracing out patterns only he could understand as he tried his hardest to fight off the mixed sensation of pain and tickling in his chest and throat without coughing. He didn’t think he had the strength right now to make it through another fit. He’d already had two in a row, which was... rough, to put it lightly. His lungs hurt. No- his entire chest hurt. His throat, his mouth, hell; even his stomach hurt. He thinks he’s shaking, but he can’t really tell anymore. After going three days without sleep, and one without eating, things have started to blur and fade out. He wonders, briefly, just how he got so unlucky before he brushed it aside. The Hanahaki Disease, while not common, isn’t exactly ‘rare’ either. Sometimes, that’s just the way things panned out. And sometimes…. He lifts his hand to his face, noticing that he is, in fact, shaking before he opens his hand, revealing the small flower resting in his palm. Sometimes the way it pans out it feels like the universe is intent on screwing you over. The bloodied cherry blossom slipped from his hand, landing on his chest.

Goddammit. _God_ … dammit. Why... just why? His hand drops and he isn’t sure if that was a choice he made or if he just couldn’t keep it up. Doesn’t matter. Nothing really did anymore. No, really, he couldn’t say he was having fun but holy _shit_ who fucking cared. He rolled over, pushing himself onto all fours. His vision faded to black, head weighing both nothing and like a bowling ball at the same time. Yep, he was definitely dying. Like he couldn’t tell from the fact that his body was intent on growing an entire tree in his chest. That’s right, a goddamn tree! But seriously, who the fuck _cared_. Not him, that’s for sure! He doesn't think he can anymore, not after months and months of being trapped in a slowly decaying yet stubbornly alive body. He pushed himself to his feet, grabbing at his table to support himself, feeling his hand slide along forgotten blood. Congrats! The universe seemed to crow at him, you fell in love! Yep, he’d sure done it. Yipee.

It was about eight months ago that his body seemed to realize that he’d fallen in love. Of course the only way to celebrate was through flowers! Who didn’t love flowers! The funny part was that he didn't even realize he was in love with Dan. Thanks you stupid fucking disease, he could have figured that out just fine by himself. No need to hit him over the head with it and play trumpets and bugles and lay down the red carpet just for him~! So… so, theoretically speaking, how long could the body take sleep deprivation and blood loss before it began to lose it? Because Kevin thinks he’s at that point. A sigh turned into a yawn as he began to walk towards the fridge. So help him god he was going to eat something before he inevitably passed out. Just as he grabbed the handle, however, he coughed. He could practically feel his brain shutting down as it tried to protect him from the inevitable spiral. His eyes went tunnel visioned and he remembers coughing and coughing and coughing and blood and petals and pain. Somewhere along the line, everything goes dark.

 **-🌸** **🌸** **🌸-**

His fingernails tap a pattern on the floor. It’s meaningless, but he can’t stop. Maybe it did have a meaning, once. He can’t remember. He thinks he ate recently. Can’t remember about sleep though. Everything's a bit fuzzy. He doesn’t know where he is. Well, that sounds more dramatic than it is. He doesn’t know what room he is in, but he knows he’s in his house. It’s probably between the bathroom, the kitchen, or the bedroom. He can’t focus long enough to tell. His fingers tap away… tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap tap. Tap tap tap. Taptap. Tap... tap. Did it have a meaning? He can’t remember. Why can’t he remember anything? What are things he remembers? He knows what cherry blossoms are. He remembers who Dan is. He remembers that he loves Da- his chest seized. Rolling over as quickly as possible, he instinctively bends into a cat-like shape, spine curved into a painful half-circle. He thinks his lungs might be trying to escape his chest. Y’know... sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s coughing or not. He’s grown uncomfortably used to it.

He thinks he stops after a while. He thinks there is still a flower on his tongue. Curiously detached, he moves his tongue carefully, feeling the silken texture bunch up against the roof of his mouth. His body heaves in a way that he isn’t used to. It takes the taste that floods over his tongue to realize he’s throwing up. Huh. He thinks that’s new. But then, he can’t remember much. His body heaves again and he remembers more this time. He remembers the feeling of it coming up his throat, which was so much more different than flowers and sometimes even branches. How his mouth filled with saliva just before the contents of his stomach did the same. The way he was shaking, though that might just be the way his body is now- and how did he get so thin?! How his tears formed in his eyes and the way his diaphragm felt crumpled with how hard it was contracting as if it wanted him to throw his entire stomach up as well. It didn’t even take that long compared to his coughing fits. It was fine.

At least he knows he ate something.

 **-🌸** **🌸** **🌸-**

He’s long passed his deadline of when he could’ve gotten it ‘safely’ removed. He can’t bring himself to care. He’d dug his grave and accepted it too. He wondered if he could gain forgiveness, then wondered who he was asking it from.

Did it matter?

 **-🌸** **🌸** **🌸-**

Somehow, it gets worse. He reaches into his mouth with two fingers, desperately scraping out the clump of flowers that got stuck at the back of his throat. He can’t breathe. Hecan’tbreathehecan’tbreathehecan’tbreathe. The flowers dislodge just before he passes out. He couldn’t tell you how long he spent catching his breath. He can’t tell. It’s probably too long to not lie about anyways.

 **-🌸** **🌸** **🌸-**

He wanted to rest.

Let him rest.

Please.

He remembers yanking a branch out of his mouth and how it kept going and going and going before it pulled tight. It felt like he was pulling at his own flesh. Maybe he was. He did manage to get it out. At this point he can't tell if that was a mistake. He can't bring himself to care.

Let him rest.

Was it close now? He was so tired.

Everything felt like pain. How did this happen to him?!

He wanted sleep. He wanted sleep. He wanted sleep.

His thoughts are like snow now, a static that screamed his own nothingness back at him. He can't remember the last time he didn't have bags under his eyes.

…let him rest.

...please…

Was somebody there...?

Their first kiss tasted of perfume and blood. It tasted of worry and fear and pain. It tasted like stomach acid and sleepless nights and death.

It felt like relief. It felt like love. It felt like life and rebirth.

His chest feels better than it has in weeks. Nonetheless, their second felt much the same. After that, he isn't ashamed to admit he lost count.


	2. Chapter 2

Kevin was acting strange. He had been for months but more so for this past week especially. At first, Dan thought he’d wait it out with the hope that either Kevin would finally be comfortable enough to tell him what was going on or that it would get resolved. But so far, nothing changed. It just kept getting worse and worse. Videos had stopped going up, he wasn’t active on any social media, and, most importantly, he wasn’t responding to any texts. In fact, videos had been off for some time now, all of them edited livestreams instead of anything new. But with them no longer going up…. Now, Dan understood keeping secrets, in fact, he was keeping one right now. He rubbed his hand across his chest at the reminder, digging his palm in against his ribs.

But this was getting really, _really_ concerning. Dan _had_ asked Kevin about it a few times, gently trying to hint that he could help out if Kevin needed it, but he kept getting brushed off. At this point, however, Dan had had enough. He wasn’t going to sit around and pretend that nothing was wrong. He gave Kevin space. He did. It wasn’t working. So now…. He brought out his phone, checking back through their messages before grimacing. Kevin hadn’t even looked at the ones for the past three days. He wanted to give him one last chance. Quickly typing, he sent a text that simply read, ‘Please read this text so I at least know you’re still alive’. When the ‘read’ text and check mark came up, he felt his knees go weak. Oh thank god, there’s still time. After two minutes waiting to see if Kevin would respond, he sent his next text before exiting his house. ‘I’m coming over’.

-🌻🌻🌻-

Kevin’s door was locked. Because of course it was. He tried knocking but after he did so three times with no response, Dan was starting to get a little bit antsy. Luckily for him, he was completely out of patience and fucks to give. So after a once around the house in which he determined there wasn’t a way in, he took a nearby rock and proceeded to smash in a window, promising himself that he’d replace it if everything turned out to be fine. That being said, the sight of blood greeting him as he crawled through the opening was promising him that everything that was not, in fact, ‘fine’. The scent was even less so. Fuck, maybe he didn’t have to pay for the window after all. He wished he could even _try_ to think of that in a positive light. Two more steps in and he had to take off his overshirt to wrap around his nose. Jesus, did something di- his heart lept up and punched him in the throat before he could even finish his thought.

What _if_ something died in here though?? What if that was- he grit his teeth so hard he thought his jaw might break. No. Not a chance. He moved in further, eyes flicking across a larger bloodspot, and for a moment, he paused, eyes narrowing. Were those… flowers? He wanted to get closer, to inspect them, but there was this nagging feeling that he was running out of time. He pressed further, taking no mind to the fact that this was something straight out of a horror movie. Man, there really was blood just about everywhere, huh. His eyes flicked down, a bit of pink catching his eye. A cherry blossom. He was right, they _were_ flowers. Pieces of the puzzle came together quite suddenly, but so did denial that washed over the conclusion he just formed, pulling it out of reach.

His face scrunched up in frustration. Dammit, he knew what was going on! It was just in the back of his head, just on the tip of his tongue but it evaded his grasp. Betrayed by his own mind, he picked up the pace, trying his hardest to not slip in some of the ‘fresher’ blood. He felt his heart beating hard in his chest and he realized a little belatedly that he should’ve called the police the second that he saw how much blood there was. His fingers twitched as he had the thought, ready to pick up his phone and call them but… he kept walking, drawn by an inexplicable desire to keep moving. This was about the moment he knew how badly he’d do in a horror movie but didn’t have the capacity to care. He didn’t notice that he was no longer taking anything in as he tried his hardest to fight off waves of nausea and a looming panic attack until he saw the body. Kevin wasn’t laying on his back- no, that would’ve been too picture-perfect; like a doll lain to rest. Instead, he was somewhere between laying on his stomach and his side, loose fingers wrapped around a dining chair, skewed knee tucked up near his chest as if he had intended to push himself up with it.

Flower petals covered this room especially- but so did blood and something that he wasn’t going to think too long about. Without making the conscious effort to, he moved silently across the room, as if his brain was convinced that something did this to him and if Dan made any noise, he’d be next. But no, he saw blood covering Kevin’s chin and his brain could no longer deny him his answer; Kevin had the Hanahaki Disease. Same as him. There was an emotion strung down from the middle of his neck to his stomach, something he found that he couldn't place. As if he were in a nightmare or in a trance from hell, Dan found himself moving the chair away, pulling down his overshirt off from his face to his neck. And leaning in close to the one who’d given him Hanahaki in the first place… he kissed him. Ew. Ew-ew-ew-ew. Nononono. He’s, like, seventy-six percent certain he just kissed a dead body. He no longer wanted his lips to be attached to his face. Why the _hell_ did he do that?? Wasn’t the whole thing on the internet about ‘snow white’ about not kissing dead bodies?? Why the _fuck_ didn’t he listen to those nice people on the internet who just wanted idiots like him to maybe reconsider kissing corpses?!

He fished his phone out of his pocket, intent on calling the police when he realized that if they did an investigation they’d find his DNA on Kevin. Oh jesus. He’d just, uhh, wipe it off with… something?? But wouldn’t that seem even more suspicious?!? Like, without cleaning it, it should show blood and spit or whatever but if there wasn’t anything… he slapped a hand over his face, feeling shame heat his body in that gross all encompassing way that made it feel like you wanted to crawl out of your skin. He was going to have to explain. He was going to have to explain why he’d done it. He stood up quite suddenly, but as he did so, the shock finally faded in much the way a light went out- horrifically sudden and with it no longer blinding him... he felt his heart drop like a brick to his feet as he stopped in his tracks. Kevin was. His eyes turned back to where Kevin lay. It was almost poetic, in a way. How in that exact moment he knew why they compared grief to storms, why people would shout and rage and _feel_ and **_fight_** when they felt loss. How in that moment, he realized that he wouldn’t mind if Hanahaki took him too. How the rise and fall of his chest- wait.

God fucking dammit. Kevin’s eyes opened, not by way of snap or flutter or even like he usually would, just slowly, trying to blink out the unwelcome invading light. Hi Kevin, overthinker here, how’re you?? I broke your window by the way. Hope you don’t mind. Of course, all these thoughts stayed in his head, swallowed back away from his mouth even as a lingering sense of hysteria bubbled them up from his throat. He gave Kevin the time he needed to realize that he was there, all the while trying to figure out how to properly say the things that needed to be said despite him not knowing what that was, exactly.

“I have Hanahaki too.” That works. Kinda. He delicately sat down in a clear area across from Kevin, who was watching him through slitted eyes.

“It’s for you, you know. I dont… I don’t know who yours is, but if this is the outcome, I guess I might as well say it, right? So. There it is.” He feels sweat trickle down his back. He’s pretty sure Kevin doesn’t know he kissed him though. Probably.

Kevin’s first words weren’t any he expected though.

“Which flowers did you get?”

“Sunflowers.”

He said it as casually as he could. As if he tried to forget how it felt to hack up a flower slightly bigger than his hand. As if he tried to forget all those times when he thought he wasn’t going to be able to. And as if he never thought about how… about how Kevin was the _sun_. How for _months_ his mind would detail up wax poetics about how Kevin seemed to bring _light_ with him. How he tried to tear them from his mind like a paper out of a book that he wanted nothing more than to crumple up and throw away as if it would take his affection away too. But no, instead he just… just. He doesn’t know. Tried to ignore it, maybe. But that didn’t seem honest. No, he couldn’t do anything hateful to them. He was no poet, but _god_ Kevin made him want to be.

Kevin took a moment to blink at him before he allowed his head to thump back against the floor, “So what you’re saying is, is that I got lucky.”

Allowing himself to laugh, he shook his head, trying to clear his mind, “Maybe, but it looks like you had it a lot longer than me so I think that kinda negates it.”

“Well you’re the one with a bad lung.”

“Mmmmmaybe…” He couldn’t say that it hadn’t crossed his mind that if his lung collapsed he was _fucked_ , but whatever.

They fell into silence, beats passing by, the only sound being the harsh whisper-like breaths that came from across from him. The smell was starting to get to him again and he wondered idly if it would be rude to pull his shirt back up over his nose again. He wanted to make The Joke, you know, the one where you asked who the lucky person was like they did in the movies, but the words caught in his throat, unable to force their way into the open. Just as he was trying to speak again, however, Kevin got there first.

“Mine too. They’re for you, I mean. If you couldn’t tell from the whole,” Kevin weakly waved his arm about, before letting it drop, “cherry blossom theme.”

Ah. Right. He felt his face heat up. He was going to blame this one on shock because he _refuses_ to believe that he is that oblivious. He nodded instead, averting his eyes in an attempt to find literally anything to change the subject. When he looked back though, he found that it was right in front of him.

He jumped up, probably startling Kevin in the process as he practically ran to the cupboards, “Holy _shit_ , when was the last time you ate??”

He can’t quite make out the answer but he doesn’t think he needs to hear it. From the looks of it, it was bad. He doesn’t think he can get him anything solid. He grabbed a can, turning it over. Chicken noodle soup, huh. Thank god.

“Didn’t know you had soup.”

He barely makes out the muffled, “It was for a video!”

Dan smiles, shaking his head as he heats it up. He finds himself leaning against the counter, trying to recount all that has happened today. Well he broke a window. That was fun. The rest… not so much. Well, finding out that Kevin liked him too was great but he _really_ could’ve done without the free heart attack that it came with. Grabbing the bowl, he set it on the table before walking back over to Kevin. It could’ve been his imagination, but he could almost swear that Kevin’s breathing was steadier now. Choosing not to idle on that for much longer for fear of no longer being able to help due to ‘ohmygodhelikesme’ thoughts, he helped Kevin into a chair before fetching a spoon. When he got back, however, he found Kevin glaring at him.

“Kevin?”

“Put me back on the ground and let me _die_.”

He tries to hide the instinctive smile that wants to break over his face from that. Of course Kevin wasn’t going to want to eat the soup. This was as encouraging as it was terrifying given that Kevin seemed to no longer be on death's door but he was certainly going to close in on it if he didn’t eat anything. He’s at a loss for what to do when Kevin looks back at the soup and makes a face. An odd fondness blooms in his chest and he doesn’t know what comes over him when he leans over and kisses Kevin again. He just knew that it tasted just as bad as it did the first time. Goddammit. Kevin leans in once again after Dan breaks off, prompting him to lean away.

“If you finish your soup, you’ll get more.”

The look he got could strip paint, “I hate you.”

He does eat the soup though so Dan’s pretty certain that’s a lie. And what do you know, he even got to uphold his promise, easier now that it wasn’t blood he was tasting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make a text message thing but I gave up so quickly lol. Anyways I'm shit at writing fluff so this is the best you get lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so, just a quick lil' thing. I used to be in an Irish lads group chat thing. I exited stage left bc someone dragged in a wattpad ship fic of the lads and some folks through the motions of :( with no one saying otherwise despite that it was stated in the rules that the server was a-okay with 'joke' shipping. Since I'm not cool with that type of thing since it feels awfully close to mocking artists, I decided to say that I was a shipper in a shitty attempt to somewhat tell them them that in a public group chat they have no idea who they might be giving that type of message to; like if the writer was there. (I am extremely non-confrontational so this was terrifying lol). Just before I left, I asked them what their definition of 'joke shipping' was bc, to me, that's a hella vague definition and they probably should've fleshed it out in the rules more (since I'm a nervous fucker I just thanked them when they did give clarity haha). Now. I'm not going to say the chat name (even if I disagree on them linking fics from artists who probably had no clue, it was their group chat + I don't think they, like, harassed or made fun of the author). What I am going to do, and the point of this whole thing, is say that if there is anyone who uses wattpad is hearing this and going 'oh no', I have 8 invites for ao3. I don't know about wattpad but I know that ao3 has a feature to hide your fics from non-registered users. I know that hiding your fics might be unappealing and I personally don't do it myself, but it _is_ an option. This offer is also open to anyone who just thinks that they'd like ao3 better. Here are the links below! I'll try to update them as they are used. I'd prefer if writers got these but I also know that that might not be feasible, just have fun with them.
> 
>   1. ~~https://archiveofourown.org/signup/143f7b4c02043e431379347a4a380d8ef831f240~~ used
>   2. ~~https://archiveofourown.org/signup/3e86ea280d05635d03cf389f5bd377f41a2343cb~~ used
>   3. https://archiveofourown.org/signup/8f35186133a271d3515e2ea9e94160bbf577fe8f
>   4. https://archiveofourown.org/signup/b64f8a2f2c157212cac338a3d8aa5ec8b6d77a45
>   5. https://archiveofourown.org/signup/6fb7771c099c52cc2a2943e19d9c4ed4c5001598
>   6. https://archiveofourown.org/signup/8582b8b5566a57efc18d77d2f6a94b5e9d1e2207
>   7. https://archiveofourown.org/signup/6fecb2c1980ab6f6d596d5f5319b1938a0d3b06b
>   8. https://archiveofourown.org/signup/d845cfce268d9863ad7dd16baf0922186bbcdeb4
> 

> 
> If you'd prefer to go on the queue on the homepage from the 'get invited' button but are uncertain on how to use ao3, I'll show you to things that helped me if you ask for it in the comments. I'll update this when/if I run out of invites.  
> Edit; figured out how to post the links, have at them!
> 
> Sorry to get all serious but I just felt like I should do this. I hope you all enjoyed the fic though, I'll be working on the second part with Dan's perspective soon enough!


End file.
